By: Kristen Cervenak
When I was told that the second flotation session would be better, I couldn’t wrap myself around the thought. With my first experience being so life changing, how could I expect more? I thought to myself, “I would have to bathe in gold-infused water.” Surprisingly, no gold was needed.
I looked around my new float room, located on the lower floor.
“Ok. This is similar, but the energy is different,” I thought to myself.
I closed my eyes and took in the salty aroma. I climbed into the tank and floated straight to the top, as if I was a professional at being weightless.
The gentle vibrations of the music surrounded the tank came to a halt and silence fell to my eardrums.
I heard my nerves in every breath. Shaking breaths, but shallow. I closed my eyes for a moment and reopened them. The room felt cool and gentle.
My hands grew limp as I put my arms to my sides. A different approach than my former. I found my muscles shiver and listened once again to the shallowness of my breath.
I took one deep breath in and I held it. I feared that I would take a deep exhale and slide underwater, but no shift in weight came. Again, deep breath in, deep breath out. I was alarmed that my normal breath was suffocated by my own stressful worries. Is this how it always was? Am I this nervous all of the time? Has my anxiety fallen to the sounds of my own thoughts and surroundings?
I kept regulating my breathing. I began to realize how often I hold my breath hostage. How often my words were rushed and jumbled due to the lack of oxygen I would take in, in fears that I wouldn’t get the words out in time. Rush, rush, rush. We are always rushing.
When my breath no longer sputtered, I felt both the weight of my limbs and weight of my daily concerns drift away with the remaining waves of the water.
The time raced by much faster this time. I can only assume because I was finally at peace with myself. I felt nothing, I heard nothing, I saw nothing. I wish I could have lived in that moment of nothing.
As the music softly echoed through the room, I stood up and blindly laced my fingers to the wall. I reached for the titanium hands of the shower taps. With no lights on, I listened to the water drops bounce off the ground like rain.
I didn’t want to depart from my dreamy visions in the dark yet. Eventually, I knew, it was time to return to my previous world. With the flick of the lights, a shower, and a redress, I wandered to the door. I prepared myself for reality and with the quick jiggle of the handle… I thought to myself, “Oh. This isn’t so bad,” as my feelings of relaxation stayed piggybacked to me throughout the night.